History graduate turned job hunter, currently living between Devon and London, spoken word artist and lover of Nicki Minaj.
I was in Sainsbury’s and a white woman who helped me reach something on the top shelf decided to ask me my ethnic background. She was well meaning and seemed kind so no immediate alarm bells rang, but she then informed me she wants mixed race kids. She laughed and stated “I’m single right now, but definitely only looking at black guys, mixed race kids are just so beautiful”.
I smiled, left and then began to despair and worry about her future children. This is nothing I haven’t heard many times before, a quick Twitter search for “mixed race kids” will reveal many people detailing how they want mixed race children to dress up and parade around like a handbag.
The major issue being that mixed race children are not handbags. Mixed race children, especially girls, are fetishized and even sexualised before they’re born. Comments about how beautiful they’re going to be, or how they’ll be just the right amount of black start disgustingly early, the media commentary on North West is a prime example of this.
This odd behaviour doesn’t stop when the child becomes too old to be a cute instagram for their mum to post. When mixed race girls grow up these odd comments change and develop to become even more sexual. It becomes comments like “best of both worlds” and “get yourself a lighty“.
As well as being gross it’s a very successful division tactic. The perceived appeal of mixed race or light skinned women is then used as a tool to hurt other black women because you can get all the “benefits” of spice without burning your tongue.
Being closer to what the media tells us is attractive in no way makes us more worthy of these so called compliments, so let’s stop telling the lie that black women are only worth something when they’re “caramel”, and let’s stop with the food comparisons all together.
This odd and gross behaviour benefits no one. It makes mixed race girls feel like their only value is to be a good instagram post and to be called pretty, and tells anyone who doesn’t have olive skin and loose curly hair that they should feel inadequate.
This light skinned favouritism is another tool used to fuel anti-blackness which is so prevalent. When blackness is allowed a public face at all, it is usually a light skinned one, and this is a major problem. The “light is right” myth starts with these early comments that are used to fuel hatred for black women as well as to turn mixed race girls into a fetish.
This isn’t to say that people can’t get excited about having mixed race children, but placing value on how “cute” or “exotic” they’re going to be is setting that child up for one hell of an identity crisis. These comments also set a precedent of valuing their light complexion above all else that will follow these children into adulthood.
What’s more, the I want mixed babies brigade seem unable to comprehend that not all mixed race people look the same. My fear for these unborn children increases when I wonder what their parents would say if they happen to be born with a darker complexion.
Also, people making these comments very rarely think seriously about the racism their future child may have to deal with. Their skin colour is more than an accessory, it will shape their experiences and how they view the world, and the people making these comments seem unaware of this. We are more than cute instagrams and tweets, and we are more than a way of proving your liberal status and annoying your parents.
These comments and the attitude they perpetuate are hard to deal with, but we can start by seeing mixed race people as the multi faceted human beings we are rather than reducing us to the features that are deemed appealing and attractive.
People who do want and have mixed race children can of course be proud of everything about their child, but raise them to be happy intelligent beings and don’t reduce them to their skin tone. And importantly, they need to be prepared to have open conversations about race with these children, you can’t get all of the “perks” of their skin colour and not be there when they are the victim of racism because of it. So lets stop with the creepy language so often used to describe mixed race children, and start seeing them as human beings.
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